Dear Kids and Life Changes

I swear I start every entry with something along the lines of......It's been so long..........Sorry I haven't written in forever.....blah blah blah.....I had the best of intentions with this blog.  I was gonna document all the great conversations with the kids, share good stories, experiences, etc.  Clearly, that hasn't happened.

I don't know where to start so I am going to write letters to the kids.

you both spotted a bird of some sort that you recognized

Graham and his buddy, Dylan at the park

Dear Graham:
You are growing up way too fast!  I love you to pieces but you are causing me all sorts of gray hairs at the ripe ol age of 32.  For a five year old, I think you are very intelligent.  You ask me difficult questions such as:
           Hey mom, what is your favorite animal from Central America?

           Do you know what the fastest land animal is?  Or how to tell the difference between an Alligator and a Crocodile? (uhm yeah, one starts with an A and the starts with a C...BOOM...smart mama!)

You have a huge desire to learn about all sorts of creatures.  I believe your interest has been sparked by the tv show "Wild Kratts."  Anyone could ask you questions about almost any animal and you can name the region, habitat, preditor and special features of the animal.

For awhile, I was afraid I was going to have to start paying rent to the Principal's office at school since you seemed to frequent that place.  Now you just keep the timeout chair warm....congrats on the improvement buddy!  If you could figure out how to keep your hands to yourself, life would be so easy with you!
When you get in the car from school, I always ask, "so how was school today?"  On numerous occasions, you respond:
       It was good!........Well, Kinda good.........actually, I had a timeout........ok, maybe two timeouts.........
It kills you to lie!  Which is great!  I love that about you!  I don't think integrity will be a problem.  Seriously though, when I take you to the store for a special treat and tell you to enjoy it......not to rub it in to Kamryn..........I will be darned if it's not the first topic of conversation out of your mouth when she gets in the car!
          "So sister....I have something to tell you....I got to go to Dillon's and get a donut!!!" (let's note that is the first time EVER that your mother bought you one 4.14.15)
THEN we get to experience the Kamryn melt down saga.................Thanks. For. That.

Ok, I will stop picking on you. On a positive note, you are the best at random "I love you's!"  You love to give me hugs and blow me kisses when I leave.
You like to call Kamryn, "sister."  When asked why you call her "sister" more often then Kamryn, you say:  "Technically, I am the only one that can really call her sister because I am her only brother."
True, true :)
You love to play baseball and golf.  Soccer is ok but not your favorite.  You enjoy riding your bike, playing with Kamryn and your friends, and doing workouts in the garage.  Two weeks ago, you could not get a pull-up by yourself.  We had you practice ring rows and pull-ups with a band........the other day you got a pull-up all by yourself!!  That was so awesome to see!!!  You (we) were so excited!

You are starting to learn how to read which has been really cool also!  "THE" stumps you every time though, LOL....bless your heart.  It reminds me of the movie, "Dumb and Dumber!"  I'm not saying you are dumb!!!!  But you have to watch that movie someday...CLASSIC!

 Even though you are a little onery, you have a heart of gold!  I love you buddy!

Dear Kamryn Louise:
Oh sis..... I freakin' Love you!  You challenge me daily with your teenage attitude bottled up inside a toddler body.  The things that come out of your mouth are generally hilarious!  Honesty is not a problem for you.  We need to work on that though in some situations.  You need to learn that it's OK to keep some comments to yourself!
We have to choose our cashiers "wisely" when we go to the store....God only knows what opinion you may feel like sharing!

You are such a free spirit!  Love to dance around....you love to hear Taylor Swift songs, especially "Shake it Off!"

I think you have yet to meet a stranger.  You're very friendly and are very good with names!  Much better than your mother.

You could stand to be friendlier to your brother.  For whatever reason, you take your aggression out on his face when the two of you fight.  You're a tough little cookie.  That's for sure!  I don't think we will have to worry about you getting into trouble on dates!

At the supper table a few nights ago, you made an announcement.

K: "I know who I am going to marry!"
Graham: Oh dear...
K: Carter!  I'm going to marry Carter!  Yep, he's in my class.
Graham: Sister, you have a long time before you need to worry about that.
K: No really, I'm going to marry Carter!
Graham: ugh sister, would you just be quiet and eat!
K: Graham...who are YOUUU gonna marry?
Graham: you know.

Busted.  Graham has already found his match too apparently!

This is your first season in soccer.  You really like it!  You are a fast little girl and very, very LEFT footed!  For the most part, you do a great job listening to your coaches...........except for Tuesday night when you kept falling down on purpose and then would lie in the goal box after scoring and would just lie there and refuse to get up.  Not embarrassing for your mother at all!  Dad was and has been at work alot due to Turnaround at the Refinery.  Unfortunately, he missed the drama.


As of now, you are obsessed with dresses!!!!!!  OBSESSED.  You told me this week that when you grow up, you want to be a cheerleader.  We shall see.......

Every night before bed, you want to read a book, say your prayers and then ask me to sleep with you.
Although you are full of piss and vinegar, it kills me to see you growing up so quickly.  Yet, I will say, it is so fun to watch you play sports and interact with people.  It's bittersweet.  You sucker me in to lying with you most nights.
In the mornings, your favorite thing to eat is strawberry yogurt.  You barely open your eyes, but what you are asking for it!  I love it when you ask me if we can  have "girl talk!"  These are the moments I hope continue forever.  In case they don't, I am cherishing them now!

I love you sis!

While my kids are growing at warp speed, I am making big girl decisions as well.  For the last five years, I have worked at the YMCA, using my degrees and Strength and Conditioning Specialist certification and Crossfit certs, to do personal training and coach CrossFit.  I love the athletes I get to work with daily!  Anyone I train is an athlete in my eyes.  I have trained 10 year olds to 65 year olds.


CrossFit has truly changed my life!  In April of 2012, I went and earned my certification to be considered a CrossFit Level 1 Trainer.  Since August of 2012, I have done all the programming for the adult classes and taught some of the CrossFit Kids- High school sessions.  LOVE IT!  To be able to impact and improve lives is truly rewarding.

Although I love what I do, I have felt a strong pull to do something on my own.  Last week, I resigned from the YMCA giving my two weeks notice.  This was  decision that took me 5 months to weigh.  It was very difficult to put myself first before others but I prayed for signs and God brought several to my attention.  The sign that opened my eyes and my heart the most, was this daily devotional that I received through email that read:
      Joshua 18: 2-3
     But here remained among the children of Israel seven tribes which had not yet received their            inheritance.  Then Joshua said to the children of Israel: "How long will you neglect to go and              possess the land which the Lord God of your fathers has given you?

This devotion talked about how many times do we neglect to receive the gift God has given us?  We pray and pray for changes or for signs and then when we are faced with an answered prayer, we hesitate to go forth.  We let fear stand in our way.  Maybe we are more comfortable praying for something else instead because that is the easy way out...the safe way.

I took this devotion as a challenge but also cherished the message and sign I had been delivered.  In my heart, I truly believe that I am on this Earth to make a difference and do something BIG.  I'm not 100% sure what that is yet and I may be close.  Change is a time to embrace new learning experiences and GROW.  Change is scary.  No matter how frightening though, I canNOT think of one time in my life where CHANGE failed to teach me SOMETHING.  Something good or bad...I have learned something.

My plan right now is to do training on my own.  I am very excited for this opportunity.  Very proud!  Thankful for those whom have been so supportive and understanding.  I ask for those who may be bitter or mad about the change, to accept it...you don't have to like it.

I look forward to this new journey and will probably be more into social media than ever before....that will be a big step for me.

And the journey continues......

Mom guilt

Today has been a tough day.  For the first time, in I don't know how long, our McPherson Lady Pups will not be in the State Tournament.
Last night we played in the Sub-State Championship in Hays versus Buhler.  We had split in the regular season but we were ready to face the challenge.  Our girls battled their buns off and played with so much heart and class.  There is not a thing we would change or were disappointed in as far as how we performed the things we could control.  I'm keeping all comments to myself in regards to the game.  We ended up tied w/ 10 seconds left.  A foul was called w/ 4 seconds on the clock to send their best player to the FT line where she hit them both....we lost by 2.

We had a team this year that was very close.  They always hung out together and did so many things as a team.  We had great senior leadership.  Not always the most vocal bunch of kids but they took care of each other.  I absolutely love getting to coach these kids.  They mean the world to me and I hope I can positively impact each of their lives in some manner.

Today started off slow.  Our house is a mess.  Laundry has piled up yet again.  Stuff lying all over the place that needs to be put back in its place.  The weather today was gorgeous!!!  The kids finally got to go outside to play!  In a desperate attempt for fresh air myself, I decided to go pick up the dog poop in the backyard that had been collected throughout the winter.  Fun huh?  It wasn't until my kids were begging to help me clean up this "crap" that I realized how hungry they were for time with me.  I felt terrible!  Seriously, what 3 and 5 year old truly wants to pick up dog pooh from the yard with their mother?!?!

I ended up taking them to the park to play.  Later, we ordered a pizza and baked cookies and watched my Disney favorite, Aladdin!

Today is NOT the first time I have pondered this question, but how do I manage to keep the house under control, my patience at bay, enjoy and spend valuable time with my kids, coach basketball, program for and coach Crossfit, keep a healthy marriage and my sanity?

I constantly juggle these things and I can't forget to throw my friendships in that mix.  At 32 years old, I feel like I should have this figured out by now.  It feels like parenting is so hard right now with a 3 and 5 year old.  We are constantly battling each other.  I know they are learning so much right now and are very curious little beings but  how do I get the most out of them?  How do I get them to listen?  I'm saddened when I think about our time together right now and how the vast majority of it, I feel so stressed with them.  How are they going to remember their young years?  I want to experience the same high I receive from coaching kids when I am parenting my own.  It has to be possible.  How do I get there?

A while back I had a conversation with a friend who brought up this question:  As a mom, are we bringing our A game to our Marriage? Our children?  As athletes, we are programmed to think this way....that we need to practice and train to be the best we can be.  Would I make varsity as an athlete right now?  I think so.  Would I make Varsity as wife? mother?  I can't honestly say yes to that question and it tears me apart.

I have a lot to work on in the off season and I hope I can get on track.  To all you moms out there that may possibly be struggling with something similar...Good luck to you.

I'm gonna keep on battling and I will get it figured out.......as the journey continues.......

Graham the Scientist - We are gonna need better Insurance!

sweet Jesus...I tell you what....I love my children's imagination but seriously, it's a job to keep them alive!
Graham came upstairs with a large piece of paper and scissors and tells me he is going to conduct an experiment.  Meanwhile, Kamryn comes upstairs fixin' to go outside in a sundress after she has been sick this week.
Me: Graham what are you experimenting with?
G: Well I am going to make myself a pair of bat wings and see if I can fly.
Me: Uhm Graham, I am sorry but that's not going to work.
G: Mom, I am just going to try.
Me: Graham, we were not built to fly, I'm sorry but it's just the way it is!
Meanwhile....Kamryn comes out to the kitchen in a new dress and tights, not to mention with the biggest wedgie known to mankind!
She had her underpants on SIDEWAYS....that's always comfortable.
G: How about I use one of my stuffed animals?!
Me: Sure, go ahead.
So we had to make a cape for his stuffed Briar Cliff Charger (horse).....Needless to say, "Fuzzy" took a nose dive down the stairs and Graham couldn't believe it.

Just when I think the experiment is over, He gets balloons and asks me to blow one up and tie it onto Fuzzy in hopes this will work.  I don't say anything but do it anyways.
Just when I finish....
Graham: slaps his head..."Oh great, air is not going to do anything....I need Helium!  Can you get some helium for me?"

Ok....while I appreciate his scientific curiousity, I gotta draw the line here!  Especially since I still don't have him convinced that this experiment is NOT going to work on himself!

and the journey continues........

I can't handle the princess stuff..........

Ok, I have shook my head in astonishment all day today in regards to some of the conversations our children have had with me!

Graham was downstairs playing with his new toys and came upstairs and said:
"Mom, I love you!  You are the best mom I've ever had!"

Ok, so obviously, I am the only mother he has ever had but seriously, it melted my heart!

At supper tonight:
K:  Hey mom!  Guess what?!!  Did you know that "Caricles" almost got eaten by Crocodiles?!!!  (she said something else but I couldn't get past the vocabulary for one, and two, I had no idea what the heck a Caricle was and I am pretty sure it is misspelled)
Me:  What did she just say?  Caricle?  What the heck?
Gabe: yeah a Caricle
Graham:  you know...a Caricle is a Cat....they live in the African Savannah
Me: uhm, yeah ok......(at this point, I felt like an insanely stupid blonde)

And the convo continued but I can't even begin to regurgitate it!


After Kamryn's shower, and I finished combing her hair she said,
K: Ok, can you take me to my castle now?! (In a high pitched, prissy voice)
As we are putting her pj's and lotion on:

K: Uhm mom, will you go get my "Pinkalicious books."
Me: How about you go get your books since you know where they are.  I am not your Maid.
K: Well that's why God made you....so you can go get my books, excuse me...I have to work on my computer.
Me: Excuse me?!?!

In order to even write this brief summary of conversations, I had to ask Graham what the name of the "Animal" was that we discussed at supper.

Me: Hey, Graham what animal did Kamryn talk about at Supper?
Graham:  A carickle.
Me:  I don't even know how to spell it.
Graham:  "Kuh" - "cuh" ...It makes a "C" or a "K" Sound.  I don't know.  Just ask your phone...it will probably tell you.
Me:  Yeah probably.  I have never heard of it.
Graham: (just kinda gave a little laugh) Oh Kamryn.  She is always acting like a  "pickle pants."

Well folks....I am gonna sign off.  Just figured I better update this while I could remember how to say "Caricle" or whatever the heck it is....a cat.........huh, who knew...............and the journey continues!

Tis the season

Happy Holidays from the Grizwalds.  No seriously.

Like everyone else and their dog, we are busier than a cat coverin' it up here on Tombo Court.  I started off the Holiday season with having all the gifts that I had bought to date, wrapped before Thanksgiving.  Now I am behind...Have a few gifts to buy at this point and some more gifts to wrap.  Life got ten times crazier once basketball began.  It's a good busy but this year we kicked off the season with Gabe on night shift.  Super fun. To put a little cherry on top of all this bliss, we are all hacking, blowing our nose, both boys have had fevers....you walk into our house and it looks like we've all been wiped out by a tornado....the house included.

Last night, I went to watch a former high school player play against Mac College.  On my way home I thought, even though we are all sick, it would still be a  good night to relax and go look at Christmas lights, have a snack, and enjoy some family time.  When I got home, we loaded up the Grizwald's and made it one block before we had to stop the car and tell the kids to stop arguing about what Christmas lights each other were looking at!  "Graham, look at my side!!"......."No, Kamryn, look at the lights on MY side!"   repeat, repeat, repeat!
Once the arguing died down, they started to get excited about the lights.

Kamryn: "Oh look!!  There is Red........and green!!!  my favorite!"
Gabe: "Sweetie, that is the stop light"

We visited the house with the light and music show.  After the first song of about five, Kamryn was fed up.  "Let's go home!....Ugh...can we go now....Fine I'm not watching.........blah blah blah"  About that time, Gabe and I look at each other.....this is lovely, isn't it?
Meanwhile, back on Tombo, apparently Azzi Sue wanted to ride along on our family light viewing adventure.  In order to get even with us, she decided to rumage through my Target sack of stocking stuffers (that was on the floor, my bad, but damn)....Found herself a bag of miniature unwrapped snickers........OPENED it...and Ate. The. Whole. Dag-gum. Bag!  So.............she is on a sugar high...full of piss and vinegar today.  Your prayers are appreciated as God only knows how much longer she will be with us after that episode.
Needless to say, "Ernie- the Elf on the Shelf," did not change locations last night.  At our house, Ernie only moves if you have behaved.

Dear Hollywood,
If you are looking for a new Grizwald Family, you are looking at 'em.

Peace out.......as the journey continues.........

Fast paced world....

I will write on my blog tonight...or tomorrow night....or the next day when I may have more time.........That is what I constantly think to myself.  From 6th grade all the way through college, I kept a journal.  It was a way for me to relieve stress, contain worry, track my workouts, challenge myself, store memories, etc...Then I graduated...grew up....got married...got a job...moved towns, changed jobs, started working towards my Masters degree... took a leap of faith in my coaching career...arguably failed...had a handsome baby boy, got a new job....graduated with my Masters Degree in Health and Human Performance while 8 months pregnant w/ #2...had a beautiful baby girl....recently celebrated 10 years of marriage...then watched my brother marry the love of his life.........

All of that happened about as fast as the time it took for you to read it.  INSANE how fast time goes.  Everyone and their pooch will tell you that "time goes so fast when you have kids"..."don't blink because before you know it they will be out of the house"..."enjoy the baby/toddler stages because you never get this time back with your children".......and the list goes on...

I say prayers with our kids every night before bed and have them list what they are thankful for.  In my mind, it is SO important to truly value friendships, relationships, TIME on Earth and never take anything, anyone, any talent or treasure for granted.  On the flip side...it can be so easy to do.

   

 

A person has to MAKE time for anything.  We all have the time but it's a matter of what we are going to fill the time with.  Each of us have different priorites, goals, cares or worries.
I tend to get so caught up with trying to keep everything clean (which doesn't happen).  I want to be organized and have everything in it's own little place. Sounds so precious and perfect but seriously....

I get pissed off at my kids for not listening when I ask them the first time or two to do things.  But let me take a step back and look at myself.  When they talk to me, what am I doing?  Am I on the phone? the computer? engulfed in something else so important that I don't take time to "give them my eyes" like I enforce them to do with me?  Practice what you preach mama!  I need to make that my focus and I have sincerely been trying to do better at giving them attention when they talk.

I have heard my whole life..."stop being so hard on yourself!"
I am not ok with average.  Drives. Me. Nuts.  Is this good? or bad?  There are a million ways to slice this pie.  BUT...I want to be the BEST mom that I can possibly be.  I want to be the BEST wife to Gabe.  I want to be the BEST daughter and sister than I can possibly be....the BEST sister-in-law...the BEST friend.....the most LOYAL person that people can know...do all I can to help people succeed. Is there room for error?  Is there supposed to be?  I think this is why I tend to be too serious and now my poor son seems to be following in my footsteps.
My job means alot to me.  But lately...I question myself constantly.  Am I being the BEST coach that I can possibly be?  Did I motivate anyone today?  Did I TEACH anyone something new or reiterate something they forgot?  Could the athletes I am coaching easily say, "eh, she is ok but I am ready to work with someone else."??
I want to LEARN something EVERY DAY...EVERY. SINGLE. DAY! I don't just want to be valuable but irreplaceable.  That, realistically, is a lot of pressure to put on  myself.  My personal goals are lofty.  I also want to be in the BEST shape of my life, every year that I am alive.  I want to compete until the day I die.  I make the choice to eat healthy most of the time.  This takes a lot of work and discipline.
Am I perfect?...Can I get a "Hell no?!?!  whoot whoot"  I don't like the spotlight and don't try to entertain it.  But I admit, I get really upset when people comment (read this in the whiniest voice possible) "Oh you are so skinny...You can eat whatever you want...I just look at a hamburger and gain 10lbs.........."  blah blah blah!  My muscles were not handed to me on a golden platter people.
Is it easy to make the choices I do?  No....WHY?  I could write a book and maybe I should.......If I don't make good choices, my job will not exist, because after all, who is going to hire an overweight, unhealthy trainer/coach?  They may hire me, but will they respect me?  I have said this for YEARS when people talk to me about being a trainer, "my body is a billboard."  Just the other day, I read an article about personal trainers and their comment was "their body is their business card", same diff.  It is so easy to make bad choices.  So so sooo easy.  Losing weight is a b&*$@!  Maintaining weight/shape/definition is a B&*$@!  This day in age, to be healthy and make wise decisions, will leave you as a minority.  Sad.  But True.
Last week, I went grocery shopping and was checking out when the cashier commented, "either you like to eat healthy or someone has an allergy?"  My response, " I like to eat healthy."   Does she comment on every shopping cart?  Doubtful.  My point being, she doesn't see the choices I made, go through her checkout line that often.

My whole rant is based on TIME.  What does TIME mean to you?  Take TIME to reflect just how little TIME we really have on Earth.  What you eat, how you exercise, your physical activity, are all things that YOU CAN CONTROL.  But do you REALLY want to be in complete control?  Do you REALLY want to have that POWER?  Because it can be scary to some people.  Freedom is a powerful-powerful thing.  I realize everyday just how short life is.  I challenge you to embrace along with me the gift of time and live each day as though it's your last.  We are so blessed!  I will leave you with this...

Enjoy your children's childhood, the dirty house can wait.
Appreciate your relationships, you and your spouse should always date.
Make time for yourself, as hard as that is to do.
If you are not healthy, then really what are friends and prized possessions to you?
Take control of your life, win the battle and make the healthy choice
I know I am not perfect, but I am using my educated voice
Value your time.  For it is a GIFT.
Make the most of every day, you should not HAVE to go to work
Getting to go to work is more like it, your job should be a perk
Know your WHY, your purpose for all you do
Write it, post it for you to see, when you are feeling blue
Value your time.  For it is a GIFT.
Make time for family and friends, loyal friends can be hard to find
When you find them, treat them right, unfortunately there seem to be few of their kind
Enjoy your freedom, freedom to choose and speak
For several people in this world are left wondering and worried from weak to weak
Journal your stories, even if they are sloppy and quick
Don't make finding time the only real trick
I'm grateful for my peers, family and talents,
through my job I can encourage, low spirits I can lift
Value your time.  For it is a GIFT.

Live, Laugh, Love....and the journey continues......

Conversations.....a few of many

I've had a lot of funny conversations today with the kids and should have been writing them all down.  Here is one from tonight as it is raining.

Graham: Did dad drive his Jeep to work?
Me:  Yes, Good thing he did!
Kamryn: Yeah!  If he would ride his bike, lightning could SMASH him like a pancake!
Graham: Sister.......Lightening will NOT smash you like a pancake.

Kamryn:  gasp!  oh no my socks are outside!  this is gonna be a disaster! (as she is trying to open the sliding door to head out in the storm)
Me:  Sister! Stay in here!  Graham went out and got them a little bit ago, remember?!
Kamryn: oh.

I should title this conversation "Out in Left Field"

Graham:  Mom would it be awkward if we watched Cars again tomorrow?
Me: why would it be awkward?
Graham:  I mean wouldn't it be awkward if we watched Cars before we went to toddler time....it would be awkward.
Me:  You definitely won't be able to watch it before Toddler time but that doesn't make it awkward.
Graham:  well it would just be awkward......Good grief....are you afraid of storms Azzi?