Sunday, March 8, 2015

Mom guilt

Today has been a tough day.  For the first time, in I don't know how long, our McPherson Lady Pups will not be in the State Tournament.
Last night we played in the Sub-State Championship in Hays versus Buhler.  We had split in the regular season but we were ready to face the challenge.  Our girls battled their buns off and played with so much heart and class.  There is not a thing we would change or were disappointed in as far as how we performed the things we could control.  I'm keeping all comments to myself in regards to the game.  We ended up tied w/ 10 seconds left.  A foul was called w/ 4 seconds on the clock to send their best player to the FT line where she hit them both....we lost by 2.

We had a team this year that was very close.  They always hung out together and did so many things as a team.  We had great senior leadership.  Not always the most vocal bunch of kids but they took care of each other.  I absolutely love getting to coach these kids.  They mean the world to me and I hope I can positively impact each of their lives in some manner.

Today started off slow.  Our house is a mess.  Laundry has piled up yet again.  Stuff lying all over the place that needs to be put back in its place.  The weather today was gorgeous!!!  The kids finally got to go outside to play!  In a desperate attempt for fresh air myself, I decided to go pick up the dog poop in the backyard that had been collected throughout the winter.  Fun huh?  It wasn't until my kids were begging to help me clean up this "crap" that I realized how hungry they were for time with me.  I felt terrible!  Seriously, what 3 and 5 year old truly wants to pick up dog pooh from the yard with their mother?!?!

I ended up taking them to the park to play.  Later, we ordered a pizza and baked cookies and watched my Disney favorite, Aladdin!

Today is NOT the first time I have pondered this question, but how do I manage to keep the house under control, my patience at bay, enjoy and spend valuable time with my kids, coach basketball, program for and coach Crossfit, keep a healthy marriage and my sanity?

I constantly juggle these things and I can't forget to throw my friendships in that mix.  At 32 years old, I feel like I should have this figured out by now.  It feels like parenting is so hard right now with a 3 and 5 year old.  We are constantly battling each other.  I know they are learning so much right now and are very curious little beings but  how do I get the most out of them?  How do I get them to listen?  I'm saddened when I think about our time together right now and how the vast majority of it, I feel so stressed with them.  How are they going to remember their young years?  I want to experience the same high I receive from coaching kids when I am parenting my own.  It has to be possible.  How do I get there?

A while back I had a conversation with a friend who brought up this question:  As a mom, are we bringing our A game to our Marriage? Our children?  As athletes, we are programmed to think this way....that we need to practice and train to be the best we can be.  Would I make varsity as an athlete right now?  I think so.  Would I make Varsity as wife? mother?  I can't honestly say yes to that question and it tears me apart.

I have a lot to work on in the off season and I hope I can get on track.  To all you moms out there that may possibly be struggling with something similar...Good luck to you.

I'm gonna keep on battling and I will get it figured out.......as the journey continues.......

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